I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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