I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
