That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
