Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
smell my finger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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