I cockslap morals
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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