I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Randomize
