I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
