I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
