I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
