it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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