my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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