The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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