How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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