her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
