he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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