I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize