Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
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We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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