everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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