Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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