i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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