At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
