loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
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