My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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