it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
