would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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