Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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