never play flip cup with pint glasses
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Randomize