My hand turned me down
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
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He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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