I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
