As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
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I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
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Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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