There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Randomize
