That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Randomize
