Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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