my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize