listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Randomize
