why didn't you poke me back
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
