I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
