Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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