I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
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Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
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I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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