you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
