Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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