The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize