How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
