Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
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She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
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Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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