Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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