help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
