The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
