that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Randomize