I want to make a zoo with you.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
