I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
