Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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