smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
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