its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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