can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
