and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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