apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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