I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
