i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
You can't motorboat a personality
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Randomize
