ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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