Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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