Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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