What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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