I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
