You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
