he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
