Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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